07/04/2026
BREAKING NEWS πΊπΈ
The Department of Extremely American Activities has issued a Level 10 Freedom Warning for Pearland.
Symptoms include:
β’ Suddenly owning three American flags. β’ Pointing at aircraft. β’ Calling everyone "Brother." β’ Ordering a second hot dog because freedom. β’ Asking, "What the heck is a kilometer?" β’ Accidentally spending six hours at Doglegs.
If you hear fireworks...
..they're fireworks.
If you hear an eagle...
..mind your business.
π₯ Firecracker Hot Dog Meals | $12 π Add a Hot Dog | $9 π₯ Happy Hour 'Til 6
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πΊπΈ God bless America and whoever gave that eagle the keys.