The Cracking Pint Stalybridge

The Cracking Pint Stalybridge Hello! Welcome to the Cracking Pint, a mirco-pub on Melbourne Street, Stalybridge!

Evening all, hope you're all slithering along stupendously 'neath the sun slashed sky. Just a quick post informing you a...
03/07/2026

Evening all, hope you're all slithering along stupendously 'neath the sun slashed sky. Just a quick post informing you all of our beer selection this weekend, each one chilled to perfection by our shiny new cooler which I have christened MEGATRON. This has absolutely nothing to do with any characters from preexisting TV/film franchises out there, and the very idea may well upset mighty MEGATRON. And I can do without that. Not doing without a cooler, I mean upsetting mighty MEGATRON.
Anyway, beer!

Abbeydale: Heathen (hazy American pale, 4.1%)

Tatton: Session (fruity bitter, 3.7%)

Millstone- Tiger Rut (made with freshly squeezed tigers, 4%)

Right, hope to see you this weekend, and may I take this opportunity to say how disappointed I am with this this whole climate change business. I was hoping for something a little more absurd, like rains of sausages, feathery giants striding across the land farting out tornados, or the sky itself turning into a vast kaleidoscope as mysterious crystals form in the upper atmosphere and refract the light in a curious yet beautiful display of shifting patterns and colours. But no... it's just getting hotter and the trains are more knackered than usual. Bah, I say!

Anyway, cheerio!

27/06/2026

Evening all, hope you're all keeping cool and contorted. Anyway, good news! We have a new cooler and will be open as usual tomorrow (Sun 28th). So unless something catastrophic happens, such as an earthquake, a rain of eyeballs or a really big beetle with a gun, we should be good to go.

So, hope to see you tomorrow, just in time for us to close on Monday and Tuesday. Huzzah!

Evening all, hope you haven't all melted into your component molecules in the heat. Just a quick note to say that our co...
26/06/2026

Evening all, hope you haven't all melted into your component molecules in the heat. Just a quick note to say that our cooler has died and unfortunately we are having to close for the evening and possibly for the weekend until we can get it fixed.

Sorry for the inconvenience, and please join us in raising a glass to our deceased cooler, who gave so much and asked for so little. May your spirit chill the beers in the Halls of Valhalla.

We'll keep you posted, but for now, please accept our apologies and enjoy your evening. Cheerio.

18/06/2026

Afternoon all, hope everything is computing smoothly for you. Just a quick post to say that, unfortunately, we will not be opening today (Thursday 18th June, year of our Lord 2026). As you may well know we had a new carpet fitted, but unfortunately we've recently discovered that due to an unintentional stumble, a spilt goblet of sacrificial blood and a copy of the communist manifesto, our new carpet is now possessed by the vengeful spirit of Karl Marx and has started eating people. Probably in a misguided attempt to assimilate enough of the proletariat in order to grow into some gargantuan, fleshy uber-carpet in order to smash the bourgeoise once and for all. Honourable intentions and all, but we can't have him eating the customers, so we've contacted the Vatican, The Communist Party of Britain and Shake n' Vac in order to restore order and send Marx back to the afterlife, where he can play Monopoly for all eternity with Ozzy Osbourne, Vincent price and Sir Clive Sinclair. Maybe.

So, apologies for that, but normal service will be resumed on Friday 19th. And before anyone says something, this has nothing to do with the Stockport beer festival today. Nothing at all. NOTHING!!

In short: Closed today, open tomorrow, possessed carpet.
Cheerio!

24/05/2026

Hello all. An unusual card has been found near our place on Melbourne Street. Unfortunately it doesn't have a name on it, but it calls itself an EML Commercial Prepaid card. Only thing on the back reads "unable to sign".

Anyway, whatever it is, we'll hold onto it for a period up to and including one week before it's fed to the accused Pain Dragon.

Cheerio.

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and those tiny, black and white spiders that scurry about the outside of your house whe...
22/05/2026

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and those tiny, black and white spiders that scurry about the outside of your house when it's warm. Just a quick post informing you of our beer selection this weekend, guaranteed to contain
absolutely no micro-plastics, but plenty of micro-asbestos and even micro-onions. Swings and roundabouts, innit?

Kirkstall- Three Swords (crisp and refreshing, 4.5%)

Black Edge- Spring (hoppy pale, 4.2%)

Red Willow- Feckless (best bitter, 4.1 %)

Well, we hope to see you this weekend, and during this warm weather, do try to look after your intestines. Take them out once a week, give them a good wash out with dettol and warm water, and hang them out to air for an afternoon (a quick spray of fabreeze always helps) before coiling them up and swallowing them again. Remember: Clean guts, clean mind.

Cheerio!

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and assorted ogres. Hope you are keeping well and that your molecular cohesion remains ...
15/05/2026

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and assorted ogres. Hope you are keeping well and that your molecular cohesion remains nice and solid. Wouldn't want you dissolving into a puddle of organic sludge, would we? Anyway, just a quick post to inform you of our beer selection for this weekend, all of which are not only delicious but also completely and utterly normal. Yup, no haunted beers, no barrels rescued from the lair of a dragon, no beers milked from the teats of a giant bat...

Actually, that sounds a bit dull. We'll go with the last one, the bat thingy. Beers from bat knockers, why not? Anyway, moving on.

Ossett- Yorkshire Blonde (smooth bloonde, 3.9%)

Salopian- Light Fantastic (citrusy pale, 4.2%)

Red Willow- Heartless (chocolate stout, 4.6%)

Right, hope to see you this weekend, and I'm sure you'll join us in wishing a belated happy birthday to Sir David Attenborough, who rumour has is, spent his special day at London zoo punching the Pandas and calling them all bastards. Still, I think he's earned it.

Cheerio!

Afternoon all, hope you're all sizzling along most succulently. Just a spicy little post to showcase our selection of al...
01/05/2026

Afternoon all, hope you're all sizzling along most succulently. Just a spicy little post to showcase our selection of ales this weekend, all of which can be injected directly into your bloodstream or absorbed through the eyeballs. But to be honest, we'd prefer it if you just drunk it. Weirdo.

Phoenix- Boss Man's Brew (golden bitter, 3.8%)

Ossett- White Rat (hoppy pale, 4%)

Ossett- Barghest (silky stout, 4.3%)

Hope to see you this weekend, now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to finish my children's book: Oliver Gravemouse. A delightful tale of a young mouse who gains the memories of the dead by gnawing on their bones. Unfortunately he becomes possessed, turns into a cannibal and ends up being burnt at the stake by his family. Truly, a charming tale for all ages, I think you'll find.

Cheerio!

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and possessed pieces of cutlery (especially sporks), we hope you're all computing effic...
17/04/2026

Good afternoon ladies, gentlemen and possessed pieces of cutlery (especially sporks), we hope you're all computing efficiently in these ever so tricky times. Just another quick post to inform you of our beer selection this weekend, because as you know, knowledge offers a keener blade than the sharpest of earthly weapons, for only armed thus can we cut through the vines of ignorance and untruth that choke our perceptions. And if you're thinking: "Blimey, that was a bit pretentious", you'd be absolutely right. Anyway, beers!

Lancaster- Blonde (easy drinking blonde, 4%)

Little Critters- Springtime Pale (refreshing pale ale, 4.2%)

Phoenix- Porter (rich porter, 5%)

Anyway, hope to see you this weekend, but now I'm off to finish my exciting new screenplay about an army of flesh-eating zombie shopping trolleys rising from the canal to besiege Stalybridge Tescos.

Cheerio!

Good afternoon all, hope you're all tumbling along surreptitiously. Well then, the Eggster weekend is upon us, and I hop...
03/04/2026

Good afternoon all, hope you're all tumbling along surreptitiously. Well then, the Eggster weekend is upon us, and I hope you're all ready for the delights to come, because it's that special time of year when Kenneth the Eggster Rabbit fires exploding chocolate eggs all over the British countryside from his secret HQ somewhere in the Outer Hebredes. These eggs, launched with pinpoint accuracy from his rabbity bu****le, have a blast radius of fifteen meters and are capable of destroying an armoured tank with pure, chocolaty goodness. So before you retreat to the safety of the communal bunkers, why not pop in for a pint?

Wily Fox- Karma Citra (citusy pale, 4.3%)

Kirkstall- Three Swords (crisp and refreshing, 4.5%)

Lancaster- Black (rich stout, 4.5 %)

Well then, we hope to see you this weekend, and while you may find the idea of a giant rabbit firing exploding eggs from his bum somewhat distressing, don't forget that fragments of chocolate can be sifted from the rubble afterwards, providing a delicious sweet treat for all the kiddies and grown-ups. Such is the spirit of the Eggster Weekend. Hooray!

Cheerio!

Address

41 Melbourne Street
Stalybridge
SK152JJ

Opening Hours

Wednesday 4pm - 11pm
Thursday 4pm - 11pm
Friday 4pm - 11pm
Saturday 1pm - 11pm
Sunday 1pm - 6pm

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