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Uncle Reagan's Kitchen

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Alamogordo, NM
Uncle Reagan's Kitchen

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03/29/2026

UNCLE REAGAN'S KITCHEN OOPS WE CURSED THE QUAIL NOW WE'RE EATING CHICKEN WINGS CHICKEN WINGS GUEST STARRING MY WONDERFUL GF!!!

YES MY HAIR IS A MESS SO ARE YOU!

02/09/2026

Uncle Reagan's Kitchen Post Superbowl Trump Had A Sissyfit Bitch Tantrum So Here's Some Sexy Lubricated Pasta.

Cut up some chicken b***s and chicken thighs... after you give them the sensual attention they have been craving. Toss them in a pan and delicately sprinkle those hot pieces with onion powder, garlic powder, and green chile seasoning. Then set the mood with a drizzle of olive oil, because nobody wants to pe*****te their first base love hole with anything dry.

Gently flip the pieces over so you can foreplay everything properly several times. When the time is right, the juices will flow clear. Set that to the side for later because it's time for second base.

Make a nice hot bath for a pound of orecciette (Italian for best friend's ni**le) pasta. Slowly dip that sultry, lonely, wheat product into the steamy, bubbly water and occasionally stir it around like you are running your fingers through your first crushes hair. After 11 minutes or so, the pasta is ready to be dried off like you just had a tryst with Bad Bunny in a hotel elevator.

Now it's time for some pea play. Throw that erect butter into the pan along with the frozen peas and carrots. Let it all weave around the butter, getting nice and slippery for the pasta o**y about to happen.

Add the dried pasta and move it around like you're trying to lose your virginity in the back seat of a Toyota Prius at midnight. Add in those thirst trap chicken pieces and let nature do the rest.

There should be enough for three or four rounds, depending on if you have to go to work tomorrow.

Oh yeah... Giggity!

12/29/2025

Uncle Reagan's Kitchen Potatoes Italiano What The F**k Did You Do I'm Not Eating This S**t!

12/23/2025

UNCLE REAGAN'S KITCHEN 1ST FULL VIDEO!!!

Uncle Reagan's Kitchen Charlie Kirk Funeral Happy Grindr Balls!

11/28/2025

Uncle Reagan's Kitchen Thantastic Therrific Thasty Mike Thyson Thanksgiving Thacos!

Ok, so these aren't real Mike Tyson tacos, but I decided since my recipes are as disappointing as his last pro fight, I'll give him a slight nod.

As expected, my recipe has the usual Uncle Reagan staples... butter, cheese, and green chile. Oh, and a complete disregard for culinary logic.

So, to save your time, I'll just get to the steps. You're probably fighting a food coma from the properly cooked food your grandma made.

First cut up two red potatoes and one sweet onion. Put it in a pan with butter, and add garlic powder. Fry it up until both the potatoes and onions are as soft as Donald Trump's commitments to anything. Set that aside.

In a pot cook the beef and green chile until it's looking halfway done, then add the tomatoes with green chile, continue to cook it. When the beef no longer looks like it's still alive, drain the entire pot.

Before adding the beef back, put the potato and onions in the pot, and some shredded cheese. Pour the drained beef in, then cook on low heat until the cheese is melty.

Then slop that s**t into a hard taco shell and display it like a fish you caught. It'll make a great dating app profile photo. It won't get you laid but you weren't going to anyway.

Eat in a dark room and cry silently. The only guts you're beating up is your own.

10/20/2025

Uncle Reagan's Kitchen Mike's Birthday Is Today Special Baked Spicy Cheesy Creamy Gay Tasting Chicken Thiccs Dinner!!!

Nothing witty to say this time. I made my super awesome roomie some baked chicken thighs for his b-day. I bought him a 6 pack of Shiner Bock so he'd have a buzz so good his taste buds didn't work.

Take a pan and add a bottle of Newman's Own Southwest Ranch dressing, then drop in the thawed chicken thiccs, add a mix of parmesan cheese and green chile with added onion powder on top, then add some green chile seasoning. Top it with grape tomatoes. Bake them thiccs.

We haven't eaten yet but I'm sure it's edible.

If either of us calls in tomorrow you'll know why.

Also, f**k Trump!

10/14/2025

Uncle Reagan's Kitchen The Country Is Being F**ked By The Trump Administration So Come Get Some Sloppy Seconds Sandwiches.

Slice up some chicken b***s into thinish pieces, add a Stick O Butter™️, then add green chile seasoning and onion powder, then some cans of green chile, cans of tomatoes with green chile, two 1 pound beef dicks, whole milk, and cheddar and ghost pepper cheese.

Slow cook it all for a couple hours while stirring occasionally. Add the two cheeses and let it melt well.

I wish I had some witty commentary to add but the media is providing us with all the dark humor we need.

Enjoy the sloppy seconds and hopefully you don't get sick 🤷

08/04/2025

If Bobby Hill can start his own restaurant I can make a delicious meal!

07/27/2025

Uncle Reagan's Kitchen Cheesy AF Trump Is A Lying Piece Of S**t Release The Epstein List White People Level Spicy Bratwurst Shells And Cheese.

Start by boiling some frozen Trump Is A Lying Piece Of S**t cheddar brats in water softener based water. Yes some of the cheese will leak out and look like RFK jr's brainworm. Don't worry, those cheese worms won't try to blame your neurodiversity on vaccines.

Once the Trump Is A Lying Piece Of S**t cheesy brats have been boiled more than Trump's temper after watching late night TV, cut them into pieces. Then add them to a pot of Trump Is A Lying Piece Of S**t water. Boil that s**t while adding Trump Is A Lying Piece Of S**t minced onions. Once boiling, add the Trump Is A Lying Piece Of S**t Velveeta shell pasta. Once boiled, drain most of the water.

Add in Trump Is A Lying Piece Of S**t Velveeta cheese sauce, Trump Is A Lying Piece Of S**t green chile seasoning, and Trump Is A Lying Piece Of S**t pepper jack cheese. Stir that pot on low heat to melt and mix everything. When well mixed, it's ready to eat.

In case it sucks, I'm gonna wait to eat it until my Trump Is A Lying Piece Of S**t gummy kicks in.

Bon Trump Is A Lying Piece Of S**t apetit.

07/17/2025

Uncle Reagan's Kitchen Grilled Then Pan Fried Chicken Quarters.

Yeah the grill ran out of gas 😡 it's seasoned with green chile seasoning, garlic, and onion powder. Stevie is literally inhaling it.

07/16/2025

Great news everyone! Uncle Reagan's Kitchen just opened up it's first official location! Due to advise from my lawyer, I cannot tell you where it is located until RFK Jr. completely dismantles the FDA, USDA, and DHS.

Address

Alamogordo, NM
88310

Website

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