07/08/2026
IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME....
We all have those moments in life, whereupon looking back, you're left to wonder, "What the hell was I thinking?".
One such moment (I could use a Michael F. or Cindy B. verification here) We were somewhere on the ocean and our boat was taking on water, apparently incoming through a "thru-hull" which is meant to expel water out. The thru-hull was below the waterline on our starboard side. A plan was concocted which included pulling in the sails as tightly as possible, rolling the boat onto it's port side and exposing the thru-hull on our starboard side. We would then tie a rope around someone and lower them over the side to pound a cork into the diabolical thru-hull.
That would explain why I was having a rope tied around my ankles, hammer in one hand, cork in the other, and was being lowered down the hull. (I, apparently, was the "someone") I don't remember why I was in this position but as the sea swells were rhythmically engulfing my suspended body and the rope was cutting into my flesh, my only thought was, "Don't drop the hammer." It seemed that drowning was an easier and more desirable fate than facing the Captain's wrath. Somehow, against all odds, the cork was hammered home and the mission was accomplished. Looking back, "What the hell was I thinking?"
Another such moment was in the hospital, after heart surgery, and waking up to a catheter having been inserted into a sensitive part of my body. There it lived for four days until one day a nurse asked me if everything was okay. I requested she get "the catheter nurse" to come see me about possibly removing the item that was starting to get uncomfortable. "Let me look" she said, p*ering under my hospital gown. Suddenly and without warning, she pulled the catheter out. She announced that, while temporarily successful, if I didn't urinate within two hours it was going back in, with the promise that it would hurt more than it did coming out. I drank copious amounts of water to no avail. I finally summoned my roommate, Earl, whom I never saw but we conversed at length, always separated by the heavy curtain. Earl had a fondness for the hospital's pudding cups. So through some strange transaction, Earl ended up with my pudding for the next three nights and I got a container of p*e.
The nurse applauded me for my success and carted Earl's p*e off to the trophy room. I was left wondering, "What was I thinking" as I'm sure there is some rational reason as to why you need to p*e within two hours of having a catheter removed. Had I just traded away three nights of pudding in exchange for a slow and painful death? The idea of passing away, puddingless, was too much to bear. Miraculously, I survived and Earl reveled each night in pudding glory.
The third, and most confounding "What was I thinking moment" occurred when I decided that my kids and I should go skydiving for XMAS. I've heard the line and can't argue with the logic of "Why would you jump out of a perfectly good airplane?" All I can say is, if that's how you feel then don't do it. If you do do it, I advise that you not buy your tickets from Groupon. Sometimes "a deal" very definitely, isn't. We suspected something was amiss when one of the employees hadn't shown up for work. When he finally arrived, he was wide eyed and sweaty. Not a good sign. As punishment for being late, he was told to pack the chutes and did so in a huff, like a petulant child. The "what was I thinking" gene was flashing red warning signs. My concerns grew when I was paired with that same angry tweaker who was then strapped to my back, his sweat dripping onto the back of my neck. Although my daughter's chute malfunctioned, we all survived the jump. My son, Tyler, later found a video of my skydiving "partner" jumping off the Bixby Bridge which I have added. Watch the video and I believe you will understand my consternation.
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