The Tyrannitarian Party

07/20/2026

07/11/2026

Freedom Fuel Unveils "Patriot Premium" Pricing: Gas Surges to $86.47 Following $3.47 Disaster

In a bold leap into financial oblivion, mysterious gas station network known as "Freedom Fuel" has abruptly raised its price for unleaded gasoline to a staggering $86.47 per gallon.

The astronomical hike comes directly on the heels of the company's catastrophic "$3.47 for Freedom" promotion, which resulted in drained reservoirs and massive profit losses.

"We thought $3.47 sounded incredibly patriotic, but we accidentally sold 400,000 gallons at a 30% loss," explained CEO Ess Kissar. "To recoup these minor setbacks, we are introducing our new 'Patriot Premium' pricing. If you aren't willing to take out a high-interest personal loan to fill up your SUV, how much do you even care about your country?"

To help ease the transition, Freedom Fuel convenience stores now feature on-site mortgage brokers to walk customers through 72-month financing plans for a full tank. At press time, one commuter reportedly had to leave a golf club as collateral after accidentally squeezing the pump handle for three seconds.

07/05/2026

the tyranny of infinite recursion.

06/30/2026

the tyranny of pride 🏳️‍🌈