Corner Deli

06/02/2026

We have received several questions regarding Aaron and his court-ordered emotional distance from the salad cooler.

At this time, we can confirm the incident involved Fireball, mesh shorts, an old Phillies hat, and prolonged eye contact with the macaroni salad.

Aaron was reportedly heard whispering, “you up?”

At this time, we cannot confirm whether he was speaking to the salad or his own reflection in the glass.

Video footage remains inconclusive.

No salads were harmed.

The potato salad has requested privacy, and we ask any witnesses to please come forward.

Happy Pride Month. Be yourself.

Unless yourself is Aaron near the salad cooler.

06/02/2026

05/23/2026

We asked Craig for 1.25 gallons of Italian dressing.
Craig heard “prepare for a county-wide emergency feeding operation.”

So now there’s enough italian dressing in the cooler to survive a mild recession.

Good news though: introducing Pasta Salad 2: The Reckoning (with Italian) this week.

As a precaution, Craig will now be required to wear a helmet near measuring cups, decimals, and any container larger than a kiddie pool.

05/21/2026

Today's sign is going straight to HR

After years of saying “it’s fine” and “size doesn’t matter,” Thursday’s jumbo pizza is here with 2 extra inches and zero apologies.

Long-term marriages are on the rocks.
The deli is not responsible for awkward car rides home.

05/18/2026

Yesterday the sign said 12" and suddenly half the town needed a cigarette and a Bible.

Relax. It was a sub.

Now it’s Monday, your weekend is dead, your pants are mad, and the deli is here to stuff your emotional damage between buns.

Come get lunch before your boss realizes you’re just standing there pretending to work.

05/14/2026

Someone said our sign about 2" was “indecent” and they were worried about their kids reading it.

First of all, congrats — your kid can read. That puts them ahead of half the adults commenting.

Second, if your child saw 2" and immediately understood something inappropriate, we have follow-up questions and none of them are about our pizza special.

We run a deli, not a monastery. Sometimes the sign says 2". Sometimes the internet giggles. Sometimes Brenda from Facebook calls a town meeting because her 9-year-old sounded out the word “Thursday.”

Anyway, the special is still real, the sign is still funny, and your kid’s literacy journey is none of our business.

Corner Deli: offending parents, educating children, and adding 2" whether you’re emotionally ready or not.

05/14/2026

THURSDAY SPECIAL

Cheese jumbo $12.50.

Hot. Cheap. Questionably thick.

Should we post this publicly?
No.

Will it still disappoint Greg’s wife?
Probably.

Corner Deli: HR has blocked our number.

05/14/2026

Thursday Jumbo Special: 2" extra for free.
Finally, something disappointing your wife can actually enjoy.

05/13/2026

It’s HUMP DAY at Corner Deli.

Halfway through the week and somehow you’re already emotionally damaged, financially confused, and thinking about something 12 inches long.

Relax. It’s a sub.

Probably.

Come get lunch before you make eye contact with your coworker and accidentally trauma-bond over the office microwave.

Corner Deli: feeding bad decisions since before your group chat got weird.