04/08/2024
We keep getting the same questions. Maybe this will help.
Q. Why are you closing?
A. Supply costs are up for us the same as for everyone else. Labor costs have increased dramatically in recent years. Revenue is down. Any one of those would be a problem. We have all three.
Q. Your phones aren't working.
A. They work fine. They're just off the hook. Since we announced closing, wait times for pizza have averaged ninety minutes to two hours, all day, every day. That's without the phones. Even if we put them on, we wouldn't have time to answer them. Any time the wait dips below 45 minutes, we put the phones on for a few minutes and the time shoots right back up again. We'll take as many orders as possible.
Q. What's the best time to order?
A. Best time to call is three weeks ago. Second-best time to call is between 10am and 11am. So far, the phones have been pulled almost immediately every day and stayed off most/all of the day. Wait times have regularly exceeded two hours. Based on this, we recommend walking in to place an order for a future time, either later that day or any day between now and Saturday. Or just ordering, doing errands, and coming back.
Q. You can't close!
A. I assure you we can.
Q. But you're so busy!
A. We're busy BECAUSE we're closing.
Q. I want to buy your business.
A. We aren't selling.
Q. But you don't understand the opportunity I'm extending. I have investors who --
A. Nope.
Q. If you change your mind --
A. You cannot have our name. Please move along.
Q. I want your space at Portland.
A. Norway Savings next door owns the building. Talk to them about leasing. Pizza Joint's last official day of occupancy is July 1.
Q. I want your space at South Portland.
A. That property will go up for sale at some point. Current owners will not lease it. We think it likely whoever buys the property will tear the building down and put up something else, even if that turns out to be another restaurant. (My money is on it becoming a Starbuck's, but that is my personal opinion. I am not the decision maker.)
Q. You guys gonna retire?
A. The majority owners retired several years ago after working most of their lives. Everyone currently working will seek new employment. None of us is retirement age and none of us has the money to retire decades early. Rumors that the operators of such a place must surely swim in pools of cash like Scrooge McDuck are completely unfounded.
Q. What's your recipe?
A. Simple, fresh, quality ingredients in generous portions. We may or may not disclose more in the coming days. That conversation hasn't been had yet. Watch this space.
