Pizza Wizard

10/27/2026

You can always tell that I'm in a good mood if the costume comes out. HYDROGEN BABY is live this week get your girlfriend's and get in here.
Cherry Pepper Red Sauce, Calabrian Blue Cheese with Honey Dunk. Garlic knots at lunch while supplies last, 2 per order. Really not a lot to say, don't wanna waste anyone's time with a fu***ng dissertation. After all we sell pizza.

Open WEDS-SUN 11-8:30.

Don't ask about Fairport!

10/21/2026

TWICE BAKED POTATO PIZZA.

Get it

FOOTBALL BREAD

SEITAN WINGS

We can't afford the cat

HONEY HABANERO

Cheddar goblin

DIANA

Number one salad

Veg

Boo

10/14/2026

We have taken the liberty to RENAME the lake yet again, this time to LAKE PIZZA WIZARD. We have hats to commemorate this monumental change, get urs today. Need shipping, see below.

Fairport permit has been issued and our designer sent over these real nice renderings of the space, lots of beige and 4 kiosks to keep the line moving. I just know ur gonna love it.

Listen up if anyone is running the pumpkins in the park 5k you're in luck. I'm runnin in my green man suit and I'm considering a challenge , if u beat me you'll win free pizza voucher, but I've been training pretty good so you're going to need to really push.

Felipe told me the course is really hilly and honestly I've been running Mendon ponds all summer so needless to say I'm pretty damn fast. But then again Felipe isnt the most reliable guy so who knows.

New merch, "loosely inpured" by a lovely trip to skinny atlas where I was honored to cook for the wedding of the year. Thanks to Doug's fash fries, no hard feelings copying is a form of flattery. At least that's what I tell myself every time puts out a new special that looks like a 2-bit version of one of ours.

Speaking of specials, this one is out there. Veggie fried rice, topped with shrimp or chicken or none or CHEF SPECIAL (shrimp AND chicken) finished w sesame tamari glaze (gf) and chow mein noods (not gf)
I'd like to see them copy this!

Also new this week, offering to add 5g creatine to your pizza for $3.

RE: MERCH SHIPPING If you email us this week at [email protected] with your requests we will let you know how Claire can accommodate. Longsleeves are $28 and hats are $20 FYI.

BEST OF voting is still in action we may not have the MOST followers or be incredibly traditional, and maybe we use LOWLY gas deck ovens but it's honest work.

10/07/2026

Apparently Evan Dawson has decided to do even less work than normal and now he's only doing 1 hour of work a day which is pretty ridiculous but whatever.

How are we feeling about the black gloves guys? Comment below. For 5 years the pizza boys have been asking for black gloves because they think it makes them look stronger and I told them I'd only get them if they'd work a little faster and they promised a 15% improvement efficiency with black gloves so we're trying it out.

The special pizza is quite delicious. It's called veggies tres, and it's a cheesy pizza topped with locally raised dinosaur, kale, cherry tomatoes, Olive medley, balsamic glaze, and feta.

It's been very busy and also there's been a bunch of fraudulent things happening so we are on high alert. First off, we've been getting chargebacks by a certain group and secondly we got frauded by a counterfeit 50. But be advised we now have the special markers so we have extra vigilant attitudes. If you are one of the criminals, it would be well advised for you to take your crime elsewhere.

09/30/2026

(bro why does everything I post say AI content? Is it because of green man???)

Chunk, from various local small-time pubs and grills, is apparently running his own version of Cordon Bleu festival this week. On one hand, I'm flattered. On the other hand, I'm appalled.

To counteract and to Counter-Strike, we offer this upgraded version using all French ingredients. (Claire, please insert French flag emoji in here before posting)

PROSCIUTTO MOZZARELLA ARUGULA BACON CHICKEN DIJONAISE

We have some great merch coming down the pipelines and also I am working on a partnership with Tonya Harding.

Have a great week!

09/23/2026

Pizza for Life WINNERS.
Instagram winner is and Facebook (YUCK) winner is madeline lopez. If you know these people now is the time to start asking to hang out again, as they have won a free pizza EVERY week until the business is run into the dirt, which could be any day now. TO THE WINNERS, I'll reach out this week with helpful info and congrats.

BIG RUMORS are in fact TRUE. It is with a very heavy heart that we say ADIOS to suburban disposal and BIENVENIDO to our new partners in rubbish, They put in a diligent effort to earn the account and we are excited to give you our money waste products.

FAIRPORT UPDATE I promised an update so here we go. We have submitted plans for approval and are hoping for the best. Truthfully we were a bit blindsided by a few restrictions that came along with the location, and are working hard and IN TANDEM with the KIND and GENEROUS village of Fairport officials. 🙏 As for an ETA I have NOTHING to offer today.

Next up, I received what APPEARS to be a rival cordon Bleu festival promotional email from none other but CHUCK. Leave it to CHUCK to take my humble festival and appropriate it by SOMEHOW finding a way to change $45 for ham and CHICKEN. This festival appears to be happening NEXT WEEK.

Lastly, big rounds slices at lunch this week.

Felipe is gone and everyone seems to have a bounce in their step today for some reason.

09/08/2026

Wow bear with me. I hope all ur children had a great first day at school. What a treat to have a quiet house for a few moments.

1. Free pizza for life. (Winner chosen AT RANDOM next week) 1 pizza per week so long as pizza wizard is "above water" which according to some of the latest figures, it's "not looking good" and we may have "excess frivelous spending." But I've searched high and low and can't find ONE SINGLE instance of us spending money unnecessarily. Anywho we are giving away 2 lifetimes worth of free pizza. One on Instagram (yuck!) and one of Facebook (barf!). No purchase necessary, to enter LIKE THIS POST and comment below with YOUR DEEPEST DARKEST/NAUGHTIEST secret, OR comment below with the reason you believe that ....

2. Felipe is QUITTING. Total bu****it, but the writing was on the wall when he started working at PIZZARYA NOTO and he kept suggesting we MAKE NEW HEAVEN STYLE BURNT PIZZAS and sell more CUTLETS. Good riddance FLIP. Thanks for the slap in the face on a Monday morning.

3. U+me=wepick3 for $33.33. Pretty damn self explanatory but Im sure many of you will be confused. (Looking primarily at Facebook users here.) Pick a MENU pizza and 2 more items. Wings, football bread, salad. $33.33. if you find a deal better than that I would honestly question the quality of ingredients you're getting. Online order hub only, no worky on doordash/etc. THURS AND SUN ONLY.

4. Nickel thin BYO this week. Picture is Roni, jalapeno, red sauce, hot honey, twas good.

5. New shirts. MAGNUS design & The People's Princess. Name a local restaurant with better merch, I fu***ng dare you.

6. Football tips. ORDER EARLY. I will stop at nothing to pump up Sunday sales to their maximum, don't get left out. Look at the photo above, that spread could be YOURS. This is buffalos year, surely???

7. Finally it's best of Rochester season again and although I won't be campaigning nearly as hard as usual, we would still appreciate your vote, if you like us. We have a hard working crew over here, and it feels nice to get a little public acknowledgement. Link in bio.

I'll announce winners in a week or two ✌️

09/02/2026

08/25/2026

😔

Truth be told it's been a rough week, which was capped off by the top food critic, a wealthy young man who has been to ACTUAL Michelin starred restaurants (CAN U EVEN IMAGINE?) absolutely throttling our establishment.

ALSO nobody really likes my idea for carbon fiber reinforced diapers.

What a lame shabby being I am.

This weeks special is truly ICONIC.
Mojo Roasted Pork, Guajillo Salsa Roja, Tomato, Onion, Cilantro, etc. Benny gave me two thumbs up on the guajillo salsa so that's SOMETHING positive.

07/14/2026

It's great to have Tom back, he's always full of ideas and really uses his time here well. His wheels, albeit slowly, are always turning.

ELOTE type pizza is here. Ranchero Tajin, Zesty Roasted Corn Salad, Ricotta, Queso Fresco.

Sunday discount = 30% off (u read that right) but ONLY if you order online w discount code SUNDAYSLUMP